Keeping It Real Katie
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Becoming a Thriving Artist... by Nikki Starcat Shields

8/31/2020

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It's no news that your passionate creative work can take over your life.

Anyone who’s ever had a big dream, from being a famous actor to writing a bestseller, knows the feeling. You’re driven by a deep inner drive to achieve that dream at all costs.
​

But what does that really mean - “at all costs?” Are you willing to sacrifice intimate relationships, family harmony, and even your physical health? 

Sadly, sometimes we feel like we don’t have a choice. We live by the identity that chose us: Singer. Actress. Drummer. Author. 

It feels like, in order to do this Big Thing, we need to let all else fall by the wayside. We’ve been sold a bill of goods about “having it all,” but it soon becomes obvious that, without an onsite staff, it’s not easily done. 

Fortunately, it’s really not necessary to give up your life in order to create. One of my writing clients, who joined my group program because she wanted to write about the work she does, shared this epiphany after several weeks of being guided to write her book:

“I can actually do this!” she told me. “I thought I had to somehow make myself into a writer - I had being an author up on a pedestal, far removed from who I am in my daily life.” 

We think that we have to become a performer or a writer. We think we have to “do our time,” suffer for our art, and be a starving artist, in it for the long haul. 

But we can actually integrate our art into our lives, even when the drive to succeed threatens to take over. 

Your creative passion is not your entire identity. What you do is not the only thing you are. It's just one part of it.

Your muses don’t want you to give up the little pleasures of life. Rather than starving yourself, literally or figuratively, you can integrate your art into your life in a way that allows you to thrive.

My big passion in life is writing. But I have other creative endeavors that feed my soul, including playing percussion. I’m also a Mom. I belonged to a performance troupe for several years, when my teenagers were still at home. It was important to me to balance the various aspects of my life. 

As our Vaudeville-style troupe began to get more gigs, I was careful to pick and choose which ones I would participate in. This approach got me some strange looks from my fellow performers. Not taking every single gig you can get? Weird, right? 

Granted, performing wasn’t my primary creative passion. But even with writing, I’m determined to pace myself. Yes, there are certainly weeks when I’m burning the candle at both ends, pouring everything into a manuscript. But it’s not every week. 

I swim, I do yoga, I play games with my family, I walk on the beach with my friends. The muses don’t get to steal my life away. I’m determined to live a joyful and balanced life.

No, you haven’t seen my books on the New York Times bestseller list - yet. I know I’ll get there. But I’ll do it on my terms, with a smile on my face, hand in hand with my muses.

So how can you have some of this blissful balance for yourself? Here are my top three tips for crafting a life of balanced creativity:

Learn to love who you are. 
We’re most tempted to put too much into a particular passion when we’re not convinced of our basic worth. We’re trying to prove something to the world. When you learn to love yourself unconditionally, you create because it’s enjoyable. You do it because you love it, not in order to be loved. When you love yourself, you’re also less likely to ignore your body’s basic needs. 


Set up a sacred container. 
We creative types often rebel against structure, but I’ve learned to lean on it, instead. Having a daily calendar - I use a bullet journal, as it’s flexible and customizable - fosters balance. I set aside time for movement, healthy meals, and plenty of sleep. I make sure I schedule creative time, but also time to read and visit family members. Nope, I don’t always follow my schedule to the last detail, but having it as a guideline is invaluable.


Find support. 
The best thing I’ve done as I’ve built my life as a Thriving Artist is to find other creatives who are also devoted to living a balanced, healthy lifestyle. I have a lovely circle of creative sisters. We remind one another of what’s truly important in life. When one of us gets carried away by creative passion - in a way that is unsustainable - the others ask the right questions. We keep one another on track. We share the ups and downs. We encourage and support one another, in work and in life.


​
The thing is, you can have it all - but not one someone else’s timeline or in our celebrity-obsessed culture’s narrow mold. Did you know that those top-level celebrities do have an onsite staff helping them look put-together? 

You can be a success in your chosen field, surfing the waves of your creative passion, and feel rested and well when you get up in the morning. It’s your life. You get to live it in a way that feels good. ​

You deserve to be a Thriving Artist.
​

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Make sure to check out and follow Nikki on social media!

http://www.NikkiStarcatShields.com - where you can sign up for her newsletter!
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IG: @nikkistarcatshields
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YOU are the INSTRUMENT & YOUR LIFE is the MUSIC... by Pyeng Threadgill

8/24/2020

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Do you ever notice how you feel when a new audition or job opportunity comes in?

The racing heartbeat, maybe ecstatic visualization of a sold out theater, then the fear that maybe you are too late and soon you are scrambling to respond to that message? It’s so easy to delve into your inbox, bathe in social media, even jump into your music and forget to take time to connect with yourself.

As performing artists, I often feel that our medium has taught us to neglect all things for a potential job… not even a job, a potential job! Lol! You skip meals, work outs, sleep... all so that you can try out a role, prepare for your solo, write the next song, promote your show. 

I know, because I have been there! As artists even the phrases we use like “keep up the hustle” reflect this over-emphasis on the external. I have to say it wasn’t until I became a mother that I really could observe the toll that my work habits had taken on my body. Sure, I could work through the day when my daughter was at school, forget to eat, stay up late sending out emails to presenters, venues or bandmates and while I thought I was available to music, the fact that I felt more tired and irritable with my family was a signal that in fact something was out of balance. 

As an Alexander Technique teacher we spend a great deal of time observing physical and mental habits in order to sense the moment when your mind tells your body to work harder in order to hit a note, lift your arm, take a step forward. This same kind of “over-efforting” can often be observed on a macro level as well. For example how you approach your job as an artist?

Part of what I love helping students to understand and Embody is that YOU are the instrument and EVERYTHING is your art! Your getting out of bed, the food you choose to prepare for yourself, the way you schedule your day and whether you leave yourself breaks or not, all of it is your art.

If you want a long lasting career, you need to prioritize ALL of you, not just the performance onstage.

So where are you forgetting to see your life as an art?

In your personal relationships? in your meal planning?, in your movement?, even in how you approach your music? And what kind of support do you need to feel more balanced so that you can fully show up in your life and onstage? 

​If you feel like you need this kind of accountability, I offer a monthly series called “Tuning In” for music accountability and embodied artist practice. To find out more, 
email here and make sure to schedule your next session with Katie. :)
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Make sure to check out and follow Pyeng on social media!

www.pyengnyc.com - sign up for her newsletter here as well!
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IG: @pyengthreadgill
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How to say NO so that you can say YES... by Meghan Collier

8/17/2020

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Think about saying "NO" for a second.

How does that feel? Does it make you feel panicky or like you couldn’t possibly do it? Maybe some stress or anxiety came up. Or perhaps memories of moments when you wanted to say no but didn’t feel you could. Or maybe you’re like, “Hell yeah! I LOVE saying no!” For many folx, the idea of saying no feels scary and like something that is really out of reach. But remember, every time you say yes to one thing, you are saying no to something else – so actually you already have lots of practice in this. 

As a performer and a psychotherapist, I know how important boundaries and saying no are. Trust me, I lived for YEARS taking every contract that came my way because I felt like I had to. I believed that if I didn’t take every role and show offered to me that I would miss out on an awesome opportunity. What happened instead was that I burnt out because I was doing shows and roles that I had no interest in. I started to feel cranky, tired, and my substance use went way up (P.S. I’m now 2 ½ years sober – but that’s a different tale to tell). 

I’m not doing theatre full time anymore, and that was a huge part of what I needed to do in order to feel fulfilled when I am performing. Nowadays I am a psychotherapist and yoga teacher, and have just started my own business with the lovely Michael Delsine (check out Sea Glass Healing Arts below for more info!). I’ve said no to a lot so that I could say yes to the things that make me truly happy – like singing, yoga, dancing, supporting people, and being present for the pain of other folx in my therapy practice.  

So. I want to support you in feeling confident and prepared to say no and love it. Well, you may not love it at first, but with practice you can totally get there! I want you to be able to say “YES” to the things that truly bring you joy and make your heart sing. And in order to do that, you have to be able to say no to things that don’t. 

Here a few things to think about when you are saying no to all that no longer serves you and/or to the people, places, and things that are pushing your boundaries. ​

First of all - NO IS A FULL SENTENCE.

Yup, you heard me. You don’t have to apologize or make up excuses. You can absolutely just say no without explaining yourself. This one can be pretty tricky for people, so practice it in situations that don’t feel dire – like if you are out to a restaurant and the waiter asks if you are ready to order, say no (even if you are and also as long as you’re not starving). 

We do this thing in our culture where we apologize for literally everything. Once you start paying attention to the words “I’m sorry,” you will hear it everywhere! You don’t have to apologize for saying no. However, sometimes it can feel challenging to use no as a full sentence. So consider “Unfortunately, I won’t be able to join you,” or “I hear that you are feeling that way,” and see how that feels instead of apologizing for something you probably aren’t even sorry for. 

Be firm. 
Here’s the thing, when people are used to pushing your boundaries and have experiences that inform them that your no is really a yes, then they are going to push until you cave. This is where boundaries are super important! I am a big fan of the broken record technique…


Broken Record Technique.  
This one is a classic. Literally all you have to do is be a broken record – pick your short and to the point reply and repeat it without changing it. Often when we answer “No thanks, I don’t want to,” then the person who originally asked the question will try asking in another way, get manipulative or pushy, or try to guilt trip you. Instead of joining them in this dance, simply repeat your answer, “No thanks, I don’t want to.” I will usually give my answer twice and then on the third time add, “… and if you continue to ask/push/disrespect my boundary, I will be walking away.” Then if they STILL don’t take the hint, you say, “No thanks, I don’t want to. And as I said before, if you continued to ask/push/disrespect my boundary, I would be walking away. So now I am leaving,” and then go! One of two things generally happens with this technique. 1. People finally hear you and leave it be. Or 2. They’ll ask something like, “Why do you keep saying the same thing?” The answer? “Because NO IS MY ANSWER.” 


I could write about this forever, but I’ll leave you with these few points: No is a full sentence, be firm and do not apologize, and be a broken record. And remember, you are saying no to the request, not to the person. 

Oh and one more thing! Here is a great structure for writing out responses. This can be useful for emails and texts but also to prepare for in person conversations and phone calls.​

"DEAR MAN"

Describe the facts
 
Express your opinion or feelings
 
Assert what you want or say no; be assertive 
 
Reinforce what the consequences are of getting what you want or not
 
Maintain your position in face of distraction, manipulation, guilt tripping, criticism, or anything else. Repeat DEAR parts above and/or say no using your broken record technique. 
 
Appear confident. Make and hold eye contact and adopt an upright and confident posture. Maybe even try Power Posing like Wonder Woman. 
 
Negotiate. If the other person is still pushing back and not accepting your no, you could consider negotiating with them and pulling back a bit on what you are asking for. However, this one is OPTIONAL. Only use this if it feels safe and appropriate to your situation. ​
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Make sure to check out Meghan and Sea Glass Healing Arts
​on social media! 

Meghan Collier
​
Facebook & IG @mdc_yoga_reiki

Sea Glass Healing Arts
Facebook & IG @seaglasshealingarts
(Plus, check out their upcoming classes and events HERE!)
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